Hell

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BLAKE (8)

KENT (7 and 5 months)

Two friends have been running around the yard catching lightning bugs. They are breathing hard. Blake is carrying the jar of bugs—they glow inside. Blake falls onto the ground and sets the jar next to him. Kent follows. They lie side by side, staring up at the stars.

KENT

But what if there isn’t one?

BLAKE

What.

KENT

Heaven.

BLAKE

It’s right there, you can see it.

(Kent gazes into the sky. He wonders if he’s satisfied or not.)

KENT

What if he’s in… (nervous to say it) hell?

BLAKE

He’s not in hell. First of all, kids don’t go to hell.

KENT

Toby said hell is the worst thing you can imagine. So it’s different for everybody.

BLAKE

Math.

KENT

Mine’s fingernails on a chalkboard.

BLAKE

I don’t care about that.

KENT

I hate it.

(Beat.)

KENT

How do you know kids don’t go there?

BLAKE

I just don’t think they do but it doesn’t matter anyway because I’m pretty sure there isn’t one.

KENT

Of course there’s one.

BLAKE

It’s like…my dad says he’s going to use his belt on us and sometimes he even takes it off, but he never hits us with it. It’s like that, I think.

KENT

Some dads do.

BLAKE

Those dads aren’t like God.

(Kent stands, grabs the jar of lightning bugs, and releases them in a hurry before Blake can stop him.)

BLAKE

Stop!

Announcement: 3/28 Reading

Monday night's reading (3/28) is canceled due to an unexpected conflict. See everyone in April.

April's Theme: The Workplace

 

I love this image of a woman stopping sexual harassment with her hand, a frown, and long, manicured nails.

April's theme is the workplace, harassing or otherwise. 

Rebel

Photo: Futurity

ANNABELLE (mom, 30s-40s)

MCKINNEY (dad, 30s-40s)

CHARLOTTE (daughter, 7)

(The kitchen of a suburban, southern home in the 1990s. Annabelle is on the phone chattering away while cleaning up the remains of lunch. McKinney is reading a book, HOW TO BECOME RICH BY STARTING YOUR OWN BUSINESS ON THE WORLD WIDE WEB. Throughout the play, Charlotte sits in a corner of the stage—her room—working quietly and diligently on a craft project that we can see involves scissors and fabric. Maybe we even glimpse images of paper dolls, but we can’t tell what it is she’s cutting.)

ANNABELLE

(in phone)

Of course I don’t think it’s right, but it’s none…it’s none of their business…Sure, a rude way to go about it, then… Mmmhmm, bye.

(to McKinney)

Where’s Charlotte?

MCKINNEY

Outside.

ANNABELLE

Doing what?

MCKINNEY

Working on her castle.

ANNABELLE

I thought she was out of chalk.

MCKINNEY

I brought home some.

ANNABELLE

Someone stole Bob Dawson’s flag off his lawn.

MCKINNEY

‘Bout time.

ANNABELLE

Just ‘cause you don’t agree with it don’t make it okay for someone to steal it.

MCKINNEY

Sure it does.

ANNABELLE

It was his property.

(McKinney disagrees.)

ANNABELLE

(seeing a tub of chalk under the table)

This the chalk you brought home?

MCKINNEY

Charrrrrloooootte! Maybe she’s in her room.

(Charlotte responds to the call, enters the kitchen.)

MCKINNEY

Whatcha doing, sweet pea?

CHARLOTTE

Project.

MCKINNEY

What kind of project?

ANNABELLE

Take this chalk your dad got you to your room.

(Charlotte exits with the chalk. She takes it to her room and resumes her project.)

ANNABELLE

Of course it’s nasty, but that don’t justify robbery.

MCKINNEY

Sure, it does.

ANNABELLE

What kind of project did she say she was doing?

MCKINNEY

She didn’t.

ANNABELLE

I tell you what—I’m not cleaning up nail polish off that rug again.

(Annabelle walks back to Charlotte’s room and peeks inside, unnoticed by Charlotte. What she sees upsets her. She returns to the kitchen and motions for McKinney to go to Charlotte’s room. He does. Annabelle waits. He returns with a snicker on his face.)

ANNABELLE

It’s not funny.

MCKINNEY

Little bit.

ANNABELLE

Talk to her!

(McKinney casually returns to Charlotte’s room where she’s still cutting paper dolls, oblivious.)

MCKINNEY

Hi Ho.

CHARLOTTE
(jarred, nervously)

Hi Ho.

MCKINNEY

Making some paper dolls?

(Charlotte nods.)

MCKINNEY

What ya’ making ‘em out of?

CHARLOTTE

Something I found.

MCKINNEY

Is it a flag you found?

CHARLOTTE

Yeah, I think so.

MCKINNEY

Where’d you find it?

CHARLOTTE

Outside.

MCKINNEY

Did you find it at Mr. Dawson’s?

CHARLOTTE

I think so.

MCKINNEY

That flag belonged to him.

(Beat.)

CHARLOTTE

I had to.

MCKINNEY

What do you mean?

CHARLOTTE

Grandma told me to.

(Beat.)

MCKINNEY

When?

(Beat.)

CHARLOTTE

Yesterday.

(McKinney returns to the kitchen. Annabelle is eager to hear.)

MCKINNEY

She said, uh. Well.

ANNABELLE

What!

MCKINNEY

She said grandma told her to.

ANNABELLE

When?

MCKINNEY

Yesterday.

ANNABELLE

How on—

(Annabelle hurries to Charlotte’s room in a fuss.)

ANNABELLE

(angrily)

Grandma told you to take that flag?

(Charlotte says nothing.)

ANNABELLE

When?

(Charlotte says nothing.)

ANNABELLE

Grandma didn’t talk to you, did she. Did she!

CHARLOTTE

I said it ‘cause!

ANNABELLE

‘Cause why!

CHARLOTTE

‘Cause!

(Beat.)

CHARLOTTE

‘Cause I want you to leave me alone.

ANNABELLE

What’s that gotta do with Grandma?

CHARLOTTE

If I said a dead person told me…

(McKinney walks in.)

ANNABELLE

(to McKinney)

She lied.

MCKINNEY

Why’d you lie, pea?

(No answer.)

ANNABELLE

Why’d you do it then, how ‘bout that?

ANNABELLE

Why’d you take that flag?

(No answer.)

CHARLOTTE

It made Natalie cry.

MCKINNEY

(sitting down with her)

What’s with the dolls, huh?

CHARLOTTE

I just like them.

Her Body When She Died

Photo: Dreamstime

FRANKIE (a cop)

JOEY (another cop)

(A crime scene. Maybe it’s marked off by police tape.)

FRANKIE

Joey, come here.

JOEY

Yeah?

FRANKIE

(gesturing to the ground)

That look right to you?

                                                            (They both stare at the ground.)

JOEY

Nah.

FRANKIE

Me either.

                                                            (Beat.)

That look like that yesterday?

(Joey shakes his head.)

FRANKIE

Me either.

                                                            (Beat.)

FRANKIE

I feel like it was more like (mimics the shape of a body on the ground).

JOEY

You mean (mimics a different position).

FRANKIE

No way.

JOEY

I think so.

FRANKIE

No way!

JOEY

I think so!

FRANKIE

You sure?

JOEY

Nah.

(Beat.)

FRANKIE

It wasn’t like that.

JOEY

Nope.

FRANKIE

So that uh, means somebody musta come in here and redrawn it in the night.

JOEY

Musta.

FRANKIE

That’s no joke, buddy.

JOEY

Nope.

FRANKIE

That’s some serious offense, some serious tampering with evidence. That’s no joke, right there.

JOEY

Who ya think did it?

FRANKIE

Who do you think, genius? The murderer.

JOEY

Yeah, I guess.

FRANKIE

That’s the only person who’s got a reason to erase it and draw a new one.

JOEY

Yeah.

FRANKIE

But it was stupid, know why?

JOEY

Why.

FRANKIE

‘Cause now we’re onto him more than before.

JOEY

We were onto him?

FRANKIE

We were!…  Getting there! But now we’re even further ‘cause we know that however her body was when she died… that was indicative of who killed her. You follow?

JOEY

I follow.

FRANKIE

It’s like, before, we would pay attention but maybe not all that much attention, but now, it’s like the number one clue in the case.

JOEY

Yeah.

FRANKIE

I mean, if the murderer wants to do our work for us, up to him. We got real bright one on our hands, Joey.

JOEY

Why?

FRANKIE

I’m being sarcastic. He’s an idiot.

JOEY

Oh.

FRANKIE

So how was the body yesterday?

JOEY

I think it was like this (mimics again).

FRANKIE

That’s wrong.

JOEY

It’s not wrong, I don’t think, ‘cause I saw it like that.

FRANKIE

Joey, what the hell pose is that, that’s basically what the shape looks like now.

JOEY

No, it’s a little bit different, like the arm is a little lower than my arm is, see?

FRANKIE

If the difference were just a few inches of the arm why would the murderer comes in and redraw the whole thing! Sometimes I swear you got a pistachio for a brain.

JOEY

I was close, I think.

FRANKIE

Are you listening to a word I’m saying, Joey? That doesn’t make any sense! What’s wrong with you!

(Joey is crying.)

What’s wrong!

JOEY

I did it. I drew it.

(Frankie stares. Beat.)

I got here yesterday I had to move it real fast then I didn’t tell you after you got here because I felt bad because I remembered I wasn’t supposed to so I didn’t say, but really, it wasn’t like it was when you got here, like when I found it so I came here and drew it like it was when I found it.

FRANKIE

Why?

JOEY

I had to.

(Frankie stares. Beat.)

JOEY

You know, ‘cause of my thing.

FRANKIE

Oh, Christ.

JOEY

I had to. I’m sorry, I had to.

FRANKIE

What’s your OCD care about a dead body?

JOEY

It was bothering me.

FRANKIE

Couldn’t you just washed your hands fifty billion times or something? Christ, Joey.

JOEY

I had to move it. So I drew it the right way.

FRANKIE

What about the clicking thing, what happened to the clicking thing? Just do the counting down, that didn’t work? Did you try? That’s been working with the clicking thing, I haven’t seen you do that in a while, yeah?

(Beat.)

FRANKIE

So this—this is how the chick really was when you found her?

JOEY

I think. I’m not 100% sure because I moved it kind of a lot.

FRANKIE

How many times.

JOEY

99 times.

FRANKIE

I should kill you.

JOEY

I had to do like the (moving his own arms and legs to illustrate) arm, arm, leg, leg, arm, arm, leg, leg…

FRANKIE

Stop, Joe.

FRANKIE

Sorry.

FRANKIE

So you snuck back in here, when? In the middle of the night.

JOEY

Not really the middle, more like the end.

FRANKIE

You kill me. You do.

JOEY

I’m sorry.

FRANKIE

That doesn’t do much, hate to tell you.

JOEY

You gonna tell?

(Beat.)

FRANKIE

(starting to erase)

You shoulda done a better job of getting rid of these lines. You wanna get caught?

A Simple Spelling Error

FREDDY

RHODA

(A restaurant. Freddy and Rhoda have just been shown to their table. They are taking off their coats and selecting chairs. Freddy is nervous. Rhoda is not.)

FREDDY

(as an afterthought to the hostess, who is already out of view)

Thank you!

(to Rhoda)

Do you want to sit here—oh, there—oh—

(They do the dance between chairs until Rhoda just picks one.)

There we go.

FREDDY

See? They give you chalk and you can write on the table.

RHODA

Cute.

(Beat.)

FREDDY

You know I love you very much, right?

RHODA

I love you, too.

FREDDY

You’re everything to me.

RHODA

Mmm. Just kidding, thanks.

(Beat.)

FREDDY

(checking out a dish of chalk provided at the table)

What color do you want? We have green, pink, yellow… your pick!

RHODA

I’ll take yellow.

FREDDY

Yellow it is. I’ll take green.

(Freddy begins to draw on the table.)

RHODA

What are you drawing?

FREDDY

You’ll see.

(Rhoda begins drawing.)

FREDDY

Done! See?

(Rhoda doesn’t look.)

FREDDY

Is that a hippo?

RHODA

It’s a piano! 

FREDDY

A piano, okay, I see it now.

RHODA

It doesn’t even look like a hippo.

FREDDY

That curve could be the butt? I don’t know.

RHODA

Hippos don’t have black and white keys.

FREDDY

See what I got over here?

(She looks and recognizes it.)

FREDDY

Guess a letter.

RHODA

A.

(Freddy surveys the hangman board before answering.)

FREDDY

No A’s.

(Freddy draws on the board.)

RHODA

E.

(Freddy makes a couple of marks.)

RHODA

I, O, U.

FREDDY

Slow down, quickie McGee.

RHODA

I hate McGee—

FREDDY

I know, I know… (contemplating her guesses, then writing)… you were safe on all those.

RHODA

Y.

FREDDY

(writing)

Well done!

RHODA

(casually surveying the board before making her next guess)

L, M, N.

FREDDY

Why are you doing that?

RHODA

I’m being efficient.

FREDDY

Fun isn’t supposed to be efficient.

RHODA

Fine, L.

FREDDY

Two Ls… one M… no Ns. Your guy’s got a head and (drawing) one eye.

RHODA

(reading)

 “___ill you merry m—”

FREDDY

Will you marry me, Rhoda?

RHODA

Freddy.

FREDDY

Make me the happiest man on the face of the earth.

RHODA

Look how you spelled “marry.”

FREDDY

What?

RHODA

It’s not merry like, Merry Christmas.

FREDDY

Oh, crap. I was so nervous.

RHODA

Why were you so nervous?

FREDDY

Because I’m proposing? Probably? Are you going to answer?

RHODA

What if you did it over? Just… here.

(She begins frantically erasing.)

RHODA

Now, write it over. It’s fine, people will think it’s the first time.

FREDDY

You can’t just give me an answer?

(Rhoda doesn’t answer.)

FREDDY

Why does it matter?

RHODA

Please write it.

FREDDY

No. Answer me.

RHODA

Please.

FREDDY

I can’t believe you won’t marry me because I misspelled one word.

RHODA

You misspelled marry! Do you know how embarrassing that is? When we take a picture and all my family and friends see it? And then they ask if I guessed A, and I have to say, “He said there weren’t any A’s because he was asking me to Merry Christmas him!” That wouldn’t happen, though, because I wouldn’t tell them, and every time I told the story, it would feel like a lie!

(Freddy erases the table, then stands and puts on his coat.)

RHODA

What are you doing?

FREDDY

This isn’t going to happen tonight.

RHODA

Just write it over!

FREDDY

I’m not going to propose to you twice because my first time embarrasses you.

RHODA

But it’s just… (picking up the chalk) look, I’ll write it.

(She scribbles.)

See? (writing) Will you marry me? Yes! Yes I will.  Now we can take a picture of this one and it’s like it never happened!

FREDDY

I’m leaving.

RHODA

We’re engaged!

FREDDY

We’re not engaged.

RHODA

Yes, we are!

FREDDY

Goodnight, Rhoda.

(Freddy exits. Rhoda picks up the chalk and writes, “YES” underneath the question.)

RHODA

It was just spelling.