Welcome, class! How is everybody doing? I can’t hear you! How is everybody doing? (Beat.) Maybe we’re a little shy tonight. You’re here because you want to brush up on your word processing skills, and I’ll start the class by commending you for that decision. In today’s cyber world, you cannot be tech savvy enough, am I right? Let’s hear a, “You got it, Sam!” One, two, three! (Beat.) Thanks sir, I appreciate your participation.
It seems the more we try to keep up, the more quickly the world of technology runs ahead of us. Just last week I was having dinner with a friend, and he asked me if I wanted to see his eye twitch. I said, “What!” I thought he meant a new gadget! Turned out it was just his eye, twitching. Every fifteen seconds ago just (imitating) twitch… twitch…
New gadgets everyday! Smaller and smaller! Before we cannonball in, I just want to make sure I know where everyone’s starting point is. Because if Roy is at point D and Becky is at point X, then starting at point A is just going to waste everyone’s time, right? (Beat.) I see you nodding back there, don’t be shy. Am I right? There we go! (Abruptly changing tones) WRONG. Sally over there may be at point A. I don’t see her nodding. We move only as fast as our slowest member is my philosophy on this class. And in life. My philosophy in life is that as well. Just ask my wife!
Where was I? Assessing class level. Who knows what a mouse is? Hands? Woah! You do have limbs and voluntary reaction mechanisms! We got an advanced group here. No problem, I’ll skip ahead a bit then. Let’s see. (Long, dramatic pause.) Who can tell me the difference between a netbook and a desktop? Computer. (Beat.) Thank you for your question, which I assume is how you meant it, since one of us is the teacher and one of us is the student and (much louder, yelling over someone trying to speak) THE ANSWER IS YES IT IS CALLED A NETBOOK, LAPTOP IS SYNONYM FOR NETBOOK! (Beat.) I’m not sure why you’re in the class if you know so—Because some people may not know… (responding to whole class) Woah! Woah! Mutiny! No mutiny! REJECTING MUTINY! (Long beat.) I might be swayed by that collective outburst had I not noticed Anna over there sitting quietly during it. I don’t want to be presumptuous, but maybe Anna is not as advanced as the rest of—(Beat.) In that case, Anita, I think I’ll make an executive decision to skip the skills assessment period and move forward to the post-break curriculum. (To class at large) BUT CLASS: If we are moving too fast and you are embarrassed to step forward among aggressors, tell me at the break, okay? Alright. (Beat.) I’m going to tell you a story about a little guy called icon...
