DIRECTOR
JOSH
BARB
LUIS
Rehearsal.
(All but the Director are singing and dancing. They are very peppy. Eyebrows are high. Big steps are taken. Jazz hands are appropriate.)
GROUP
(singing)
Chalk! It’s what we came here for, yeah. Chalk! It’s what we’re all about, yeah. Chalk is a waaay of life! Chalk is a waaaay to write! Ch—
DIRECTOR
Stop. Josh. It’s way to write.
JOSH
Gah!
DIRECTOR
Keep going.
GROUP
(singing)
Chalk! It’s what we came here for, yeah. Chalk! It’s what we’re all about, yeah. Chalk is a waaay of life! Chalkin’ can eeeease your strife—
DIRECTOR
Ease your strife, people!
BARB
Isn’t that what we sang?
DIRECTOR
I heard a D.
JOSH
A who?
DIRECTOR
Stride. I heard stride.
JOSH
I thought you meant a D! Like the note! Ha!
BARB
I don’t think anyone said stride. Why would anyone say stride?
LUIS
It makes more sense than strife.
DIRECTOR
You want to write the libretto, Luis?
JOSH
The li-who!
LUIS
The words to the opera.
JOSH
The op-who!
BARB
Seriously, Josh, stop.
JOSH
(seriously)
This is an opera?
DIRECTOR
Where have you been!
BARB
Dude, we’ve been in rehearsal a week.
JOSH
I thought it was like, a musical about chalk.
LUIS
Same thing.
DIRECTOR
Not same thing.
LUIS
Excuse me, it’s a chalk opera.
DIRECTOR
No. It’s a chalk-pra.
JOSH
A chalk who!
BARB
(interrupting)
Can we break?
DIRECTOR
One run through the Chalk Dusters theme first.
(Everyone groans.)
JOSH
We’ve done it a million—
DIRECTOR
(to the beat)
One! Two! Three! Four!
EVERYONE
We’re chalk dusters, chalky dusters, dustin’ chalkers, all the walkers, love to watch us, chalky dusters, the dustin’ chalkers… HIT IT, ROY!
(The director leaps onto the stage and play air guitar for too long. Everyone waits. He stops.)
DIRECTOR
Hello? You’re supposed to keep singing?
JOSH
I don’t get it.
BARB
I’m breaking. See you in ten.
LUIS
Me too.
(Barb and Luis exit. Josh and Director sit down.)
JOSH
What is chalk-pra? Is it a joke?
DIRECTOR
It’s like, a pun.
JOSH
Oh.
DIRECTOR
‘Cause it sounds like opera.
JOSH
Mmmm.
(Beat.)
JOSH
It doesn’t really sound like opera.
DIRECTOR
Yeah.
JOSH
But it’s a good subject! I like chalk.
DIRECTOR
I hate it.
JOSH
Then why’d you write an opera about it?
DIRECTOR
Well, when I was a little boy, my babysitter made me eat chalk.
JOSH
Oh my god! So the song, My Babysitter Makes Me Eat Chalk is—
DIRECTOR
A joke. It’s a joke. That was a joke.
JOSH
Oh.
DIRECTOR
No one made me eat chalk.
(Beat.)
JOSH
That’s funny?
DIRECTOR
Why’d you wanna be in this?
JOSH
I love chalk.
DIRECTOR
You said that.
JOSH
I use it everyday.
DIRECTOR
On what?
JOSH
Sidewalk faces.
DIRECTOR
You still draw on the sidewalk? Where?
JOSH
Oh, all over. On Third Street, on Lilly…
DIRECTOR
Wait, are you—you do those faces? That’s you?
JOSH
Yeah.
DIRECTOR
Those are great!
JOSH
Thanks.
DIRECTOR
Don’t by shy! Those are really great!
JOSH
Thanks.
DIRECTOR
Do you want to draw something for the posters?
JOSH
For the chalkpra, yeah! ‘Course.
DIRECTOR
We’ll make it happen.
(Luis and Barb enter.)
BARB
I’m over it. I’m over the chalk faces everywhere.
LUIS
The guy who draws those chalk faces everywhere is drawing in the parking lot here. What a weirdo.
BARB
He’s been that way since third grade. That’s why we called him Weird Fred.
LUIS
Weird Fred, eh? Clever.
(Fred and Josh don’t make eye contact.)
DIRECTOR
Let’s do Chalk It Up, then, if you all don’t want to do Chalk Dusters.
LUIS
Hope Josh knows the words to this one.
JOSH
I do.
DIRECTOR
One! Two! Three! Four!
EVERYONE
(singing)
Chalk it all up to not knowing what to say! Chalk it all up to the chalker of the day! Chalkin is chalkin, talking is chalkin—
JOSH
(to Director)
I didn’t lie.
DIRECTOR
(cuts off the singing)
What?
JOSH
I just wanted to make you feel better.
BARB
What is going on?
JOSH
I do like chalk.
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