Unmentionables

 

CAROL ANN (late 50s-early 60s, mother of Kate)
SARAH BEST (late 50s-early 60s, Carol Ann’s sister/Kate’s aunt)
WANDA (40 to 60, friend of Carol Ann)
KRISTY (50 to 60, friend of Carol Ann)
ELEANOR (late 20s, friend of Kate)
RB (RUTH BRADLEY) (early 30s, Kate’s older sister by 2-3 years)
KATE (late 20s, bride-to-be)

A bridal lingerie shower in the fresh and well decorated living room of a family home in the south.

WANDA

(regarding the card in her hand, flatly)

This person—

CAROL ANN

Why don’t you stand please, Wanda!

(Wanda stands.)

WANDA

—is getting married.

RB

Kate.

(Wanda nods and sits.)

SARAH BEST

Record time!

CAROL ANN

(to all)

THE GAME IS: YOU CANNOT SAY THE WORDS ON THE CARD BELOW THE MAIN WORD.

WANDA

What’d I say? Oh, married.

CAROL ANN

Sarah Best, why don’t you go next.

SARAH BEST

(standing, nervously)

It’s a party where everyone gives the bride—oh! Not bride. Am I disqualified?

CAROL ANN

Keep going. You’re fine.

SARAH BEST

—gives the betrothed—items to wear that are… let’s see… delicate, intimate…

WANDA

Lingerie shower.

SARAH BEST

Yes ma’am!

WANDA

I’d ‘a just said we’re at one.

SARAH BEST

Pardon?

CAROL ANN

That was a perfectly fine way to do it. (To Kate) Isn’t this fun? Eleanor, you’re up!

ELEANOR

(referring to her card, feeling slightly out of place but going for upbeat)

Once upon a time, Kate and this person fell in… adoration… and in two months they will be betrothed.

RB

Nathaniel.

ELEANOR

Not Nathaniel, but…

KATE

Am I marrying someone I don’t know about?

SARAH BEST

Soulmate! Beloved!

RB

Bo Jessup. Mom has you marrying Bo Jessup.

KATE

She wishes.

CAROL ANN

(plainly not looking at her watch)

Time!

WANDA

I thought we don’t have teams.

CAROL ANN

It’s about the creation of suspense.

ELEANOR

(revealing the answer)

Nate. Just Nate.

CAROL ANN

(fetching the card from Eleanor)

Close enough.

RB

She’s been calling him that since Christmas.

KATE

Why?

CAROL ANN

You people ever hear of nicknames?

(The doorbell rings.)

CAROL ANN

Must be Kristy!

(Carol Ann exits. We can hear high-pitched greetings in the background as the conversation continues.)

SARAH BEST

(to Eleanor)

How long was your drive? (To Wanda) Eleanor drove all the way from Rhode Island!

KATE

Connecticut.

WANDA

It’s not like people down here really know the difference.

SARAH BEST

I know the difference.

ELEANOR

I had an event for work in Kentucky, so I just kept going.

WANDA

Five hundred miles?

ELEANOR

I drive a lot for work…

SARAH BEST

What do you do?

ELEANOR

I’m an organizer.

(Beat.)

SARAH BEST

What does that mean?

ELEANOR

I work mostly on gay marriage.

(Sarah Best smiles without showing her teeth.)

WANDA

There are gays in Kentucky?

SARAH BEST

Wanda, please.

RB

We’re all over the place, unfortunately.

SARAH BEST

Is it fundraising?

ELEANOR

Sort of. In Kentucky we had a forgy orgy. It’s where we forge a lot of marriage licenses then have a big… party.

SARAH BEST

(still very polite)

I see.

(Carol Ann enters with Kristy.)

CAROL ANN

Everybody, Kristy Henricks Boyle.

KRISTY

Hi y’all! (embracing Kate) Briiide to beeee! Aren’t you a spittin’ image of your mama thirty years ago.

CAROL ANN

(sweetly, quietly)

Twenty-five.

KATE

So glad you could make it!

KRISTY

My pleasure! I’m just glad to be here.

KATE

I’m glad.

KRISTY

I’m glad!