Untitled

by Chidi Okoye

SAM (COP) (cop who writes poetry and keeps a journal, always scribbling in it)

WALDO (plays trumpet, married twice)

ELAINE (mom)

VERONICA (likes to lead, doesn’t like people)

SRI (pretty)

SAM  (young missionary)

A bare stage except for a couple of hard (perhaps metal folding) chairs and a table holding a clear plastic pitcher of water and a stack of disposable cups. Waldo is alone on stage fingering an imaginary trumpet. He is momentarily content in the way that someone who is deeply bored, having finally discovered a means of entertainment, is pleased with himself. SAM (Cop) enters.

SAM

Are you—

WALDO

God? No.

SAM

Frank?

WALDO

Oh. No.

SAM

Sam.

WALDO

Waldo.

(Reaches out his hand.)

SAM

(Reaching to take it)

And Frank…

WALDO

Frank is missing.

SAM

You kidding?

WALDO

Not missing like that. Missing like you miss a grandparent who has passed. Or a distant love.

SAM

The one missing or missed?

WALDO

Either way.

SAM

I see I’ve come to the right place.

WALDO

That is…

SAM

You know as well as I do.

WALDO

What a riot. (Looking toward the sky) HILARIOUS!

(Waldo continues chuckling to himself. Sam turns away and begins occupying himself with a journal he has brought along, flipping through it absently.)

WALDO

How do you know Frank?

SAM

(nervously)

School.

WALDO

What kind of school?

SAM

High school.

WALDO

What high school?

ELAINE

(entering angrily, accusatory)

You’re his friends? Frank’s friends?

WALDO

Let me think.

ELAINE

Goddamn that bastard!

WALDO

I hardly know him, actually.

ELAINE

Tell that fuckwad that I am here not because he asked me to be but because I felt I should as the MOTHER of our CHILDREN, so he can go fuck himself. (She collapses onto the stage and sits, sulking.)

SAM

(to Waldo)

I think I understand why he’s missing.

ELAINE

What are you talking about?

(They say nothing.)

ELAINE

I SAID—

SAM

Ask him, lady. I’m new.

ELAINE

What is he talking about?

WALDO

I think he’s referring to a lie I told a little while ago, before you arrived.

ELAINE

What lie?

SAM

You lied?

WALDO

I don’t know your husband. But he and Sam here are school buddies, so next time you have a message deliver, I’d direct it to him -

SAM

Why would you—

WALDO

I felt like it.

SAM

(standing, preparing to leave, to ELAINE)

Please tell your husband, thank you but this circle isn’t for me.

ELAINE

Circle? Is that what you guys call it?

VERONICA

(entering with purpose, she moves to shake every person’s hand, mechanically)

Hi, Veronica, hi Veronica, hi Veronica. Sorry I’m late. (Looking at her watch) Were we starting at 4 or 4:30?

WALDO, SAM, and ELAINE

(in unison)

WALDO: 4.

SAM: 4:30.

ELAINE: 4.

ELAINE

Maybe it was 4:30. I don’t remember.

VERONICA

Alright, well let’s get started. Who is Sam?