Rufus & Penelope

RUFUS

PENELOPE

RUFUS

So I got this boulder in me, it’s squishing all my organs, man. I can’t get rid of it. It’s like pressing against my heart and my urethra and shit. I got to pee all the time, but I can’t. It’s the boulder.

PENELOPE

How’d it get—

RUFUS

I swallowed it in 2006.

PENELOPE

Can you pass it?

RUFUS

Like a kidney stone? Nah.

PENELOPE

Sounds awful.

RUFUS

You like beef jerky?

(She nods. He passes her a piece.)

PENELOPE

Teriyaki?

(He nods.)

PENELOPE

Good stuff.

(He nods.)

PENELOPE

Guess we’re both waiting.

RUFUS

Me? Nah, I’m not waiting. I’m not waiting. I’m working. I’m focusing. I gotta focus. I gotta shrink it. I’m trying to shrink it, trying real hard, every day.

PENELOPE

Oh.

RUFUS

Yeah, it’s serious stress. Serious work.

PENELOPE

Maybe I should try that.

RUFUS

Yeah, I’m just relaxing right now on a break, but when I’m focusing, I can’t have any distractions. Can’t be around people. Won’t work.

(Beat.)

RUFUS

So I gotta head in soon.

(Penelope nods.)

RUFUS

What’s your name?

PENELOPE

Penelope.

RUFUS

Weird. What’s your last name?

PENELOPE

Blender.

RUFUS

Weird too. Bet you’re the only one.

PENELOPE

Yeah, I bet I was. But my roommate stole my identity. So now there are at least two.

RUFUS

Yeah?

PENELOPE

Yeah.

RUFUS

Lame.

PENELOPE

Yeah.

RUFUS

You real mad?

PENELOPE

Yeah.

(Beat.)

RUFUS

Watchyou doing about it?

PENELOPE

Waiting.

RUFUS

For what?

(Penelope shrugs.)

RUFUS

Maybe I should try that.

PENELOPE

I was thinking maybe I should do what you do.

RUFUS

Concentrate? Nah. That’s a different kind of problem.

PENELOPE

Maybe.

(Beat.)

You want some apple?

(Rufus nods. She passes it to him. He takes a bite and passes it back.)

RUFUS

Mind if I stay out here a bit?

PENELOPE

Don’t you have to work on your boulder?

RUFUS

The moon is nice, I guess. I can wait a little.

(They pass the apple in the moonlight.)