A Documentary

This week, I bring you live footage from my life, which can be described as follows:


1. I live alone. 


2. I don't wear shoes inside. 


3. I don't watch TV except for "The Bachelor(ette)." I wish this were a lie; it's not. 


4. I don't own a stereo or speakers, so any music I want to hear I must listen to through my Macbook. The laptop is so old, it's warped--literally. It does not sit flat. I can't hear the sound it makes unless it's in my lap, but when it's in my lap, it overheats. As a result, I don't listen to music. 


HOWEVER:


5. I am very clumsy. I drop things of all sorts constantly, all day long. This is an important note.


6. I sometimes talk to myself and/or sing made-up songs to myself. And I sometimes talk to other people (shocking, I know)--and not even just in person. I talk to other people on the phone, or even over my computer. It's not easy to admit... but it's the truth.


On Sunday, I awoke to an envelope slid neatly under my door. Inside was a three-page handwritten letter, reproduced verbatim (including punctuation) below.

...


October 1st 


Dear Miss, 


I live in the apartment below you. We met a couple of times. I'm writing to you about the noise level created by your activities. They produce an unacceptable and constant high-level of noise not permissible in a residential building: 


1. There are constant droppings of hard materials on the floor in both rooms. 


2. The activities can take place at any time of day or night. A couple of weeks ago, on a Friday night, you were producing noise at 3 AM. 


3. Since you are obviously involved in some sort of construction work, you constantly walk back and forth. Since your walking style is very energetic and loud, it is very disturbing. It is also often accompanied with loud voiced conversations at any time of day or night. 


Consequently: 


1. You wake me up in the bedroom area either because you drop objects, you walk, or have a loud conversation. 


2. You disturb my own work. Since I am a writer, I need a quiet atmosphere. 


3. I am starting to suffer from headaches and various problems because of the lack of sleep this situation has crated. My pet cat turns aggressive when you drop stuff on the floor. 


This situation is not consistent with standard housing noise regulations. I would like you to remedy this problem. Appropriate shoes and  carpeting might be a start. 


Thank you in advance for considering this egregious problem, 


[His name]

... 

There you have it, friends. My favorite part of this letter is how much more social and active it makes me sound than I really am. (Friday night 3 AM noises? Come on!)

In reality, my clumsiness (and perhaps a little bit of my hominid-ness with a dash of my quirkiness) has finally caught up with me. And as for the loud walking? Interestingly, a man in an airport also once told me I walk loudly. I'm not sure what's weirder--that anyone ever told me this, or that two people now have. I could work on it, I suppose. But I am also trying to do some other things at the moment, like maintain close relationships over long distances, launch a writing career, keep a healthy life financially, emotionally, and spiritually, and avoid oncoming cars. But I will try. 

Walking more quietly, Day 1, 


Mary